Don't Miss it so Much
by weirdgirl42
Summary: Skye receives a letter that sends her spiraling a little. May is there to help. Takes place after Unfamiliarly Perfect but can be read alone. Does reference the threat Ward made to Skye in the finale. NOW COMPLETE
1. Chapter 1

_Disclaimer: I don't own Agents of SHIELD._

_Author's Note: Apparently I'm having a bit of a creative burst with this show. I imagine that this story takes place in the same universe as my previous AOS story "Unfamiliarly Perfect" but you don't have to read that to understand this one._

**Chapter 1**

The echoing sound of a door shutting was enough to pull May from sleep. Her eyes snapped open, her body instantly alert. The change in her breathing and tensing of muscles was enough to at least half-wake her bedmate. The arm that had been merely draped across her hips now moved to tighten slightly around her waist.

"You kay?" came the groggy voice.

May smiled in spite of herself and unconsciously leaned back into his warmth. "It's Skye," she said. She didn't have to say anything else. He lifted his arm and let her slide out of bed.

"Tell her that the director of SHIELD is hereby ordering her to go to sleep so that she and I can go crazy together later," Coulson mumbled, rolling towards the part of the bed May had just vacated. He felt May's glare even though he couldn't see it. He knew she didn't like it when he acted so cavalier about the side effects of the GH drug. He opened his eyes fully and looked up at her. "Sorry," he said.

May leaned down and kissed his temple, running a hand through his hair. "Skye doesn't follow your orders anyway," she whispered against his skin.

"True."

Shaking her head in amusement May slipped into the hallway. Skye's bunk was down the hall from Coulson's, well hers and Coulson's if they wanted to be honest. But May knew better than to look for the young agent there and she made her way towards the garage.

The hallway was mostly silent. Coulson had told Billy on no uncertain terms that their team, which included Fitz and Trip, was to be given a wing of bunks separate from the rest of the people stationed at the Playground. Simmons had basically turned one of the rooms into a hospital room and moved Fitz in. The young man was starting to show increased brain function but had yet to wake.

Simmons' bunk was next to Fitz's, no one was surprised when she'd claimed it. Across the hall from Fitz and Simmons was Trip's room. May was pretty sure Trip had chosen that room in order to keep an eye on both the young scientists. She knew for a fact that when Simmons had to be somewhere else, Trip could often be found watching over Fitz in her place.

Skye's bunk was between Trip's and May's now mostly defunct room. May figured that being between the two specialists helped Skye feel safe. She hoped that Skye hadn't yet picked up on the fact that May was no longer sleeping in her own bunk. Coulson had taken the room at the far end of the hall.

If May ignored the concrete walls and floors, the harsh florescent light, she could almost pretend they were back on the Bus.

It was strange, May thought. Some days she missed the Bus. She missed flying for sure, the roar of the engines, the clear sky. She missed overhearing laughter from the kitchen when Skye and Simmons made pancakes. She missed hearing Fitz complain about…anything really. She missed the calm of Coulson's office.

But then she would remember Ward. The way he'd look over at her during briefings. How they would spar together in the cargo bay. She'd remember that Fitz wasn't complaining about anything right now. How she'd been forced to lie to the one person she'd sworn never to lie to. How he'd looked at her with such betrayal. She'd remember that the Playground was safe and that her whole team slept in the same hallway.

She'd remember that sitting across a desk from Coulson was nothing compared to lying in his arms each night. She'd remember all this and she wouldn't miss the Bus so much.

May knew where to look for Skye. There was no need to find a computer terminal to check the lanyards. She was pretty sure Skye was smart enough to leave the lanyard behind anyway. But this was not the first time May had noticed Skye wasn't sleeping at night. So she moved silently into the garage and saw a faint light coming from inside one of the SUVs.

May had a habit of checking on all her teammates during the night and would often find Skye asleep with her laptop on her chest. And when May wouldn't find Skye in her room at all, the surveillance footage would always show her climbing into the backseat of a car with the computer. The first time it happened May told Coulson and Coulson explained that Skye liked pretending she was back in her old van, that it was comforting. After that, May figured if Skye needed to work at night that was acceptable. But they'd been at the Playground for almost three months now and the number of nights Skye spent asleep was becoming vastly outnumbered by the nights she stayed up working.

She made sure to make enough noise approaching the car so that Skye wouldn't be startled when the door opened. When she did open the door and saw Skye curled up in the backseat, May was taken aback. Tears were running down Skye's cheeks and her laptop was nowhere to be found. May quickly climbed in next to Skye, not offended that the younger woman curled further into herself.

Anyone else would have asked what was wrong. Anyone else would have wrapped their arms around the crying agent. But May simply sat next to her, waiting until Skye was ready to speak. If she knew anything at all, it's that Skye would eventually speak.

"He wants me to forgive him," Skye said at last, sniffling loudly and wiping at her eyes.

May didn't have to ask who she meant. Another question was much more pressing.

"How do you know that?"

Skye opened her left hand to reveal a crumpled piece of paper. "Wrote me a letter. Says he's sorry. That Garrett saved his life and he owed him. That he never meant to hurt me. That he only hurt Fitz and Simmons because they snuck on the plane and he was ordered to do it. Says it's no different from when you hurt people on missions. Dammit!" She pounded her fist against the window again and again until the tears began to fall fresh.

"It is different," she said quietly through the sobs. "You're a good person and he's…what he did…what he said at Cybertek…it's different."

May felt her blood chill as memories from that day at Cybertek rolled over her. _Maybe I'll just take what I want, wake up something inside you._ She had already wanted to cause Ward significant pain that day, when he'd basically threatened to rape Skye she didn't think she'd ever wanted to see someone suffer more. May had hoped that Skye's response about having a better weapon than a bomb meant she wasn't bothered by his words.

Watching Skye break down now made May feel like an idiot. She should have talked to Skye about it sooner. Similar threats, and sometimes more than threats, had been made towards May multiple times on missions. May knew better than to think it was something Skye could just brush off.

Very slowly, May reached out, took the letter from Skye, and dropped it on the floor of the car. Then she gently took Skye's hand, entwining their fingers and squeezing tightly. Skye's shoulders began to shake harder and she held on to May's hand for dear life. Eventually, out of what May was sure was part turmoil and part exhaustion, Skye fell towards May, head resting against the specialist's chest. May wrapped her free arm around Skye and held on tightly. She didn't make any shushing noises, or try to whisper reassuring words. She just held her.

_TBC_

_Please review!_


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

Eventually Skye's tears subsided and she pulled away from May to lean back against the car door. "I'm sorry," she said.

"Don't apologize."

The words on their own seemed like an order but Skye felt nothing but comfort from them. She knew what May meant. She wiped at her eyes and took a few deep breaths, just like May had taught her during their Tai Chi lessons.

"Skye look at me," May said after a few moments. When Skye complied, she reached down and picked the crumpled letter off the floor. "How did you get this?"

Confusion flashed across Skye's face, as though it was the first time it had occurred to her to consider how Ward had managed to send her a letter. "An agent," she said, shaking her head trying to remember. "Agent…Agent Collins. He said that he'd been escorting some HYDRA prisoners to Leavenworth and one of the guards asked him to give it to me."

"Okay," May said. "I want you to listen to me very carefully."

Skye's eyes were wide at her tone. She wasn't dumb, she knew May cared. Even if she hadn't figured it out months ago, even if May hadn't come into the motel room that day, she'd still know. Because one day, while she lay in a hospital bed recovering from two gunshot wounds, Simmons had whispered to her about what May had done to Quinn after the doctor said Skye wouldn't recover. So even though May's words were clipped and serious, Skye knew they would make things better.

"Ward made a lot of choices in his life," May said. "Some of those choices were because of his past, and some were because he was too weak to see that he had become the same person he spent his entire childhood fighting against. At Cybertek…what he said…what he threatened to do to you…no one will blame you if you never forgive him. It doesn't make you a bad person. You don't get to feel guilty for his actions, that's his burden. Don't make this any easier for him by giving him the absolution he doesn't deserve. Do you understand me?"

Skye felt like crying again, but this time it wasn't out of anger or fear. She let herself absorb the words, soaking them in the way a child might bask in the love of a parent. She knew it was dangerous to think of the team as a family, Ward's betrayal had brought that into stark reality. But she couldn't help it, and there was no point in trying. May was safety. May was strength. And Skye would take everything the older agent was willing to give.

"I understand," she said at last. May gave a nod of approval and smiled when Skye opened the door to climb out of the SUV. They walked side by side back to the bunks but before Skye closed the door she paused.

"Has anyone ever threatened you the way Ward did to me?"

"Yes."

Skye nodded and took a breath. "How did you…I mean…I know the agents here aren't…I know Trip would never, but…"

May understood. "You remember that it's normal to feel like that. You remember that Ward made a choice and that most of the men you meet will never make that same choice. It takes time, but it gets easier."

"After what Ward did, was it hard for you to trust AC?" May's brow furrowed and Skye rolled her eyes. "Seriously?" she said. "I'm not stupid. Though if it makes you feel any better I don't think Trip or Simmons have noticed yet. And I won't tell them. Oh," she added when she saw May start to respond, "and I think it's awesome."

May scoffed, a sound Skye was certain she'd never heard the specialist make before. But then May grew serious again. "It's hard for me to trust anyone," she said. "But it's never been a question with him. When someone betrays you Skye, that's more of a reason to hold on to the people you still believe in. I believe in him. And Fitz and Simmons."

Skye nodded and bit her lip to keep from crying again.

"And you," May added.

Skye smiled and quickly wiped at her eyes. "Four people huh? Out of seven billion?"

"Trip might make five pretty soon," May said with a shrug. "Until then, four is a good number." With that, May turned and walked down the hall towards her and Coulson's room, no longer needing to care if Skye could see.

Skye watched her go and took a shaky breath. Four people, maybe five. It wasn't much, but it was a start.

_TBC_

_One more chapter in this one. Please let me know what you think, all the comments are super helpful._


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

When she slid back into bed she was unsurprised to see that Coulson hadn't moved since she'd left him. Sprawled on his stomach, face in her pillow. She nudged him with her shoulder and he shuffled over enough to let her get comfortable before draping his arm across her stomach. When she'd been sleeping with Ward, May had never actually slept in a bed with him, nor would she ever have allowed herself to be trapped underneath his arm. With Coulson it was different. Everything with Ward had been a battle for control, Coulson just wanted to make sure she was there.

"Skye asleep?" he asked, his voice slightly more awake than it had been when she left.

"Yes," May replied. "And Director Coulson is going to have a very frank conversation with Agent Collins in the morning before he gets reassigned to the Sub-Freezer."

"What happened?" Coulson asked, rolling onto his side so he could look at her, his hand tracing circles on her hip.

"He brought a letter from Leavenworth to Skye."

"From Ward?"

May nodded.

"So what you're actually saying is that Director Coulson is going reassign Agent Collins and Agent Coulson is going put the fear of god into him while you stand menacingly over his shoulder?"

May smiled, "Sounds about right." She reached out and traced his face with her hands, watching the lines of his forehead relax under her touch.

"Is she okay?" Coulson asked.

"She will be."

"Are you?"

Leaning over May kissed him gently and rested her forehead against his.

"That good huh?" Coulson said, smiling. May chuckled softly but Coulson could feel how her muscles began to tense. She moved to rest her head against his collarbone and he wrapped his arms more securely around her. "What is it?" he asked.

"There's something you don't know," she said. "About that day at Cybertek."

"When you and I went?"

"No when Skye and I went."

Coulson brushed his lips against her forehead. "Tell me," he whispered against her skin.

"Do you remember that mission in Kyoto?"

Coulson frowned, "The one…10 years ago?"

"Yes."

He searched his memory and finally realized what she was talking about. His mouth went dry and his pulse skyrocketed. "Ward threatened to…what did he say to you?"

"Not to me, to Skye. It wasn't as graphic as Kyoto. But the message was clear."

Coulson untangled his arm from her and got up. "What time is it in Leavenworth?"

"Phil calm down."

"No, I think I won't calm down. I think instead I'm going to find out which guard gave the note to Agent Collins and I'm going to send them both to Siberia. Then I'm going to drag Ward's sorry ass out of his plushy cell and give him a one way trip to Asgard to let Thor give him a lesson in honor. That's what I think I'll do." He was pacing at the foot of the bed now. When he started to punch the wall May was at his side.

"Phil you have to stop," she said. Not for the first time she was struck at how similar he and Skye really were. She couldn't help but think about how a half an hour ago Skye was banging on a car door because there didn't seem to be anything else to do. "You're going to wake everyone."

At that Coulson stopped, bracing himself against the wall and taking deep shaky breaths. "She's just a kid Mel. He was supposed to protect her. I was supposed to protect her."

"I know."

"Skye should have let Garrett kill him."

"You don't mean that."

Coulson deflated slightly. "No, I don't. But I wish I did."

"You're a good man. That's the difference between you and him."

Coulson's mouth quirked, "Not the only difference I hope."

May rolled her eyes and then took a breath. "In the letter, he wants Skye to forgive him. Says it was just orders, no different than what I do."

Suddenly it made sense to him. Why May was telling him this. He reached up and cupped her face in his hands. "Grant Ward could spend the rest of his life rescuing orphans and puppies from certain death and he still wouldn't be half the person you are." He kissed her then, strong and soft at the same time. A reaffirmation, and a promise.

When they finally pulled apart May looked up at him with a wry smile. "Puppies and orphans? Really."

Coulson grinned, "Give me a break it's three in the morning."

Together they climbed back into bed, each on their side facing the other. "Hey," Coulson said when May was nearly asleep, "you know I love you right? I know I don't say it much but…"

May kissed him into silence. "I knew before you did."

**The End**

_Thanks for reading! I'm really having a lot of fun with these characters and I hope to write more for this series soon. Please leave a review if you have time, they are super helpful and they make my day._


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